Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece