Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alaska (907)

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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  (907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman. http://tfl.nu/89v9
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students

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  (907): She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students http://tfl.nu/c30c
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.

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  (907): Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid. http://tfl.nu/45so
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.

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  (907): This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/qu4g
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.

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  (907): Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years. http://tfl.nu/b9ln
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night

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  (907): Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/7a8c
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.

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  (907): Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza. http://tfl.nu/7qtg
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  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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  (907): It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome. http://tfl.nu/2baz
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  The chlamydia really affected his face.

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  (907): The chlamydia really affected his face. http://tfl.nu/9z0n
  Replies (6) Good night (314) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen

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  (907): Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen http://tfl.nu/aug1
  Replies (14) Good night (807) Bad night (2421) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"

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  (907): We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass" http://tfl.nu/blwo
  Replies (9) Good night (458) Bad night (2081) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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  (907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns
  Replies (27) Good night (751) Bad night (3106)
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  She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music

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  (907): She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music http://tfl.nu/408g
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  I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere

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  (907): I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him (307): Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere http://tfl.nu/182x
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (419)
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  Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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  (907): Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed" (414): I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/3884
  Replies (19) Good night (1004) Bad night (2139)