I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten