At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."