It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!