Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem