I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
third nipple confirmed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize