Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (816)

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum

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  (816): She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum http://tfl.nu/72bu
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  He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

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  (816): He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man http://tfl.nu/qpf8
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  This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.

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  (816): This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out. http://tfl.nu/wupp
  Replies (8) Good night (2012) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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  (816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr
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  He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

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  (816): He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/ljav
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  If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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  (816): If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing. http://tfl.nu/vitq
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  He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

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  (816): He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock. http://tfl.nu/m79f
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  There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?

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  (816): There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be? http://tfl.nu/l5gd
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  You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.

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  Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.

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  (573): You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up. (816): Sorry about that. Except for the cookies. http://tfl.nu/ub9m
  Replies (6) Good night (2720) Bad night (432)
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  i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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  (816): i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else. http://tfl.nu/65tn
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  It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.

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  (816): It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out. http://tfl.nu/oebq
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  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

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  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
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  I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.

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  (816): I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water. http://tfl.nu/fay5
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  I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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  (816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i
  Replies (3) Good night (2008) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...

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  (816): As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall... http://tfl.nu/n3n5
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