If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.