And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress