If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.