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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
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