I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me