I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.