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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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