So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.