Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.