I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom