If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.