im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?