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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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