Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.