So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.