Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.