I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.