Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.

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  (720): hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now. http://tfl.nu/pc1n
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.

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  (720): she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent. http://tfl.nu/e5i7
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!

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  True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.

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  (707): Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas! (720): True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place. http://tfl.nu/87wy
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (314)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.

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  (720): I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/x8ch
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.

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  (720): Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay. http://tfl.nu/q60w
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.

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  (720): THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT. http://tfl.nu/chrb
  Replies (5) Good night (293) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen

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  (720): I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen http://tfl.nu/240v
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.

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  (720): Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there. http://tfl.nu/6pek
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".

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  (720): when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight". http://tfl.nu/l9jb
  Replies (5) Good night (414) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am

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  (720): Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am http://tfl.nu/x5gh
  Replies (14) Good night (269) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.

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  (720): Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet. http://tfl.nu/7a7w
  Replies (2) Good night (607) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.

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  (720): Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jsvt
  Replies (9) Good night (897) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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  (720): We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ctwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1505) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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  (720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm
  Replies (5) Good night (387) Bad night (1262)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?

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  (720): Passed out drunk in a tanning bed... (303): Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time? http://tfl.nu/3i4a
  Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (469)