You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.