Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??