If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.