then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".