BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dating After Heartbreak
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.