I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.