Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(