At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)