I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.