... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.