Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I supernannyed him into submission
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me