She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's what I'm talking about
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.