If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down