I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?