I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving