That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?