The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.