Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.