Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.