So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We're too hungover to prance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have aggressive nipples.