It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems