I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We're too hungover to prance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.