I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We're too hungover to prance.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now