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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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