Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Bring me that man meat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense