I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
how drunk are you?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.