I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?