Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.