She announced her abortion via fbk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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