He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.