Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.