THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?