Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (314)

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  Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON

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  (314): Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON http://tfl.nu/vk77
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  also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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  (314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb
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  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

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  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
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  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

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  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
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  The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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  (314): The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder. http://tfl.nu/bkbj
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  Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?

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  (314): Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard? http://tfl.nu/d7iq
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  Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place

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  (314): Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place http://tfl.nu/v09l
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  Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.

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  (314): Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/n4av
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  No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?

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  You're the worst gay friend ever.

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  (314): No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like? (1-314): You're the worst gay friend ever. http://tfl.nu/4trc
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  He's only going to be gone for two weeks

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  That's two months in gay whore years.

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  (314): He's only going to be gone for two weeks (1-314): That's two months in gay whore years. http://tfl.nu/9nuw
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  It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke

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  (314): It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke http://tfl.nu/h2tw
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  My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building

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  (314): My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building http://tfl.nu/5uwh
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  No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.

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  (314): No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was. http://tfl.nu/6619
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  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
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  YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!

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  Only one tier

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  Tastes like cardboard anyway

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  (892): YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?! (314): Only one tier (314): Tastes like cardboard anyway http://tfl.nu/1yl0
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