Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero