That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?