Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.