Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (314)

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl

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  I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl

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  (314): He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl (201): I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl http://tfl.nu/d4hf
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake

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  (314): We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake http://tfl.nu/bbs3
  Replies (6) Good night (650) Bad night (317)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god

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  (314): Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god http://tfl.nu/tl6y
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  I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

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  (314): I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move. http://tfl.nu/5xj0
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.

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  (314): How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death. http://tfl.nu/x5xg
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.

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  (314): I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling. http://tfl.nu/0c6k
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.

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  (314): How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night. http://tfl.nu/t7tp
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

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  (314): Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine http://tfl.nu/rnj9
  Replies (11) Good night (524) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

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  (314): So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY http://tfl.nu/g1zc
  Replies (2) Good night (1016) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...

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  (314): And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb... http://tfl.nu/trz3
  Replies (11) Good night (2044) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.

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  (314): Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous. http://tfl.nu/8pll
  Replies (15) Good night (1230) Bad night (341)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm

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  (314): Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm http://tfl.nu/9ca7
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You are a booty call, not a friend.

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  (314): You are a booty call, not a friend. http://tfl.nu/bgd1
  Replies (9) Good night (1328) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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  (314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...

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  (314): He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on. (636): Sounds like he's doing this for your own good... http://tfl.nu/dn1j
  Replies (3) Good night (1413) Bad night (331)