Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?