theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
