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I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im at strip club and am horny
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