it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
