so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.