I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.