You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs