Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.