I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?