So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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