Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.