I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's like her boobs came off with her bra