He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year