At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."